Some Humor for All of the Dungeon Masters

Hey everyone, and welcome to the month of October! I apologize for my lack of activity on here, but September was full of getting back into the swing of things at school. I should be here more often now… hopefully.

Speaking of school, today’s blog article is actually something a little different. Made for a class I just finished taking, we had to create a listicle (think BuzzFeed articles), so naturally I had to do something relating to tabletop role playing games.

So, on behalf of my personal experience as a player and god of worlds, here are 10 Things That Annoy Your Dungeon Master

10) When you receive a phone call in the middle of session.

Your little conversation that you are having with your mom/dad/significant other/etc, is causing a distraction to the entire party. If you are going to get a call, at least answer it outside. Away from the story.

9) When you talk over the DM while important plot details are revealed.

You missed vital details pertaining to the story? Here. Let me re-tell all of them via an arrow to your chest for not paying attention.

8) Power gamers.

Power gaming is kind of ridiculous as it is, but we all have at least one person who wants all the treasure, tries to get their stats up to 20 automatically from the start and con their way about to get things they don’t deserve.

7) Arriving thirty minutes late to the game and not letting your friends know in advance.

Always annoying but not as bad as….

6) When a player leaves during the vital boss fight.

See this dragon in my hand? I will make sure it kills you first.

5) The player who can’t decide on a character theme.

“I’m a black-op sniper.” “I’m a master assassin.” “I’m a fairy princess!”  Make up your damned mind already!

4) Playing Drizzt Do’Urden.

Seen above, he’s a famous character in previous versions of the game. Drizzt Do’Urden is a dark elf who dual-wields scimitars and has a panther companion at his side. The only dark elf with a “heart of gold”, he’s become a fantasy cliche because everyone wants to play a noble denizen of the Underdark. EVERYONE.

3) When you touch the DM’s dice.

No, you may not touch my metal dice. Those are mine and mine alone, and make a nice “THUNK!” noise when they hit the table. Or when I throw it at you.

2) When you plan to uproot the entire plotline of your DM’s campaign.

Rule number one: Never aim to ruin the world your Dungeon Master has created. Rule number two: in the case you do, your DM will find a way to smash your hopes and dreams before you are even close to making them happen.

And number 1) When you want to handle the Player’s Handbook and your fingers are covered in Cheeto dust.

I’ll let you touch it with your orange-blotted fingers once your puff snacked food costs 50 dollars a bag. These books are expensive!!

Have your own things that piss you off as a DM? Post ’em up there, and let us see what common things irk us most!

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